


Grimm Halloween Hijinks

by GrimmsterJ



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Adventure, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Halloween, Horror, Humor, Parody, Parody of A Christmas Carol, Suspense, Witches riding brooms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:02:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27210922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimmsterJ/pseuds/GrimmsterJ
Summary: A collection of Halloween themed Grimm one-shots.
Relationships: Adalind Schade & Rosalee Calvert, Diana Schade-Renard/Tanner Howe (OC), Elizabeth Lascelles & Diana Schade-Renard, Kelly Burkhardt & Diana Schade-Renard, Nick Burkhardt & Diana Schade-Renard, Nick Burkhardt & Monroe, Nick Burkhardt/Adalind Schade, Rosalee Calvert/Monroe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. A Halloween Carol

Halloween Hijinks

A dickens of a Halloween carol.

Jacob Marley and three Christmas spirits pay a visit to haunt Ebenezer Scrooge. Unfortunately, it's Halloween, and they end up with Kelly Burkhart, Nick's mom, instead.

Characters: Kelly Burkhart (Mom), Diana, Catherine (Nick and Adalind's daughter, OC, Hexenbiest), Anna (Josh Porter's daughter, OC, Hexenbiest)

Timeline: Approximately 15 years post-finale. AU in which Diana already brought Kelly back through the mirror.

4.2k words 10/26/20 r3

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Twas two nights before Halloween and all through Kelly Burkhart's house, not a creature was stirring, except for the kids doing homework, and the spirit dragging his chains around in her bedroom.

...

Kelly Burkhart's eyes instantly flashed open in the darkness of her bedroom. Her hand secretly slid down and gripped the dagger at her side. She closed her eyes and amplified all of her senses as powerfully as she could. Years of life as an assassin on the run honed her instincts to a razor's edge. She heard the familiar sound of chains clanking and rattling, relaxed her grip on the knife, and slowly exhaled. The clatter echoed in the darkness a second time. "Diana, honey, quit playing with those chains, you need to finish up your homework and get to bed."

"Ok Mom." Diana 's answer echoed back.

A few minutes later she heard it again. "Diana?"

"That wasn't me this time, Mom."

She grumbled under her breath and shifted her pillow.

"Scrooge!" A glowing green apparition, covered in chains and rags, stood at the ready to haunt, but his rough shake revealed an empty bed. The apparition stared into the shadows of the bed, dimly lit only by his own luminescence, surprised, and turned around. Instantly, something grabbed ahold of his chains and flung him across the room. She was on top of him in a flash. Her knife passed through his chest without any effect.

He started to chide her that he was already dead. Instantly changing tactics, the old assassin piled two more wraps of Marley's ghostly chains around his neck, leaned her knee into his chest, and hauled back with all her might. His restraint dug tightly into his neck, and he was shocked to find himself choking on the torment of his own judgment.

His glow revealed the shadowed face of a stern older woman, with a large facial scar, wearing loose gray sweats. Her shadow stood among the simple appointments of the rental house. He suddenly noticed his ghostly reflection floating in the jet black darkness of her eyes and unconsciously panicked. He tried to jerk and escape, but the steel grip of his own chains locked him into her grasp.

She held a tight rein on his chains and deadpanned "I think you got the wrong person, hoss."

"I'm here to haunt Ebenezer Scrooge. He's supposed to be at this address," he coughed out and stared straight up at her off the floor. The dark shadows filling the room looked strangely foreboding, lit only by himself. He suddenly wondered what sort of haunting this would be.

Kelly dragged him up to his feet and rolled her eyes. "Huh, was he the guy we killed last week? I think Diana's got him in her bedroom. He's helping her with English literature homework. He cleans the bathrooms."

The ghost looked around for a moment, his glow slowly revealing dim shadows of a dark brownish dresser, mirror, and a night stand. He finally looked at her face and realized who stood in front of him. He recoiled back in terror "Oh my God, Kelly? You scared the dickens out of me. I thought you were dead? It's me, Jacob Marley."

"Who?"

"Jacob Marley"

"Not ringing a bell."

"You killed me."

"I kill a lot of people."

He paused for a moment and surveyed the room "I suppose I'm here for your haunting, then."

"You'll just have to get in line with all the others." She turned, pulled up her phone, and clicked through the calendar. It's white glare lit the room like a lightning bolt in the darkness. "Looks like the soonest I can get you in is two months from now, end of December."

He started to protest but looked around. His glow now revealed several dozen other ghosts glaring at him, angrily, out of the darkness.

She grabbed ahold of his chains, dragged him over to her again, then stared straight into his eyes. "Now, I've got a lot of people to kill tomorrow, then I'm hosting a Hexenbiest parenting class. My Granddaughters have been playing with that Scrooge fellow, and dragging his chains around in their room all evening. I want some sleep. If you're going to hang around, you'd better quit dragging your chains all over the floor. I'm not losing my security deposit because of you."

He started explaining three ghosts would be coming to haunt her about keeping Christmas, but she was already asleep by the middle of the first sentence. He grumbled under his breath, sat down in the chair next to the bed, and wondered at the dozens of other ghosts waiting their turn.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

The next morning...

Kelly stood in the kitchen, looking out the window into the morning sunshine. She looked back towards the toaster for her freezer waffle when she heard chains dragging. "Fred, I thought I told you to pick up your chains! Now, if you're going to hang around, you're going to have to earn your keep like all the rest."

"It's Marley, not Fred."

She looked over at him, still wearing her grey sweats, dark curly hair pulled back into a pony tail, and a butter knife in hand. The waffle popped out. She gingerly grabbed the hot waffle, took a quick bite, and turned away from him towards the coffee pot. "I don't care what your name is, get your rusty old chains up off my floor. I see you decided to hang around. You're in luck. We've recently had an opening in the ghost department." She looked directly into his eyes while slurping her coffee. "Your predecessor has, um, moved on to another opportunity. You'll be mopping the house today."

Shocked at her sudden demand, he bluntly answered. "I don't mop floors!"

She shrugged, took a sip of her coffee, ambled to the other side of the room, and sat down at a beige formica topped kitchen table with three strikingly beautiful young women. She smiled at the oldest. "Diana, honey, can you explain the situation to our new ghost associate a little more clearly?"

He suddenly noticed all the other ghosts doing chores stop, look at him nervously, and back away. He wondered what was going on. Kelly's granddaughter Diana, a very tall, attractive, blonde haired late-teens woman who could have passed for a supermodel, flashed her eyes fiery purple, smiled politely, and blasted a giant blue and white lightning bolt into him.

He came to a few minutes later when Kelly dragged his smoldering ghost carcass up off the floor and shook him awake. "Chop chop, Jimmy, this floor isn't going to mop itself. I expect you to have the whole house finished before I get back. If you get done early, help your buddy Scrooge with the bathroom."

He looked around at two dozen variously appointed ghosts snickering at his misfortune, while his old business partner, a heavily chained, ghostly Ebenezer Scrooge, surreptitiously slid a freshly washed mop into his hands. Scrooge winked at him "She must like you, none of us got off that easy."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Christmas past

The Christmas spirit with the glowing head stood next to an empty bed in the dark room. He looked at the reflection of his own yellowish glow shining back at him off the rumpled, white, bed sheets and the mirror over the dresser. His face betrayed his confusion. _I swear, she was just here?_

He looked around, trying to make out anything familiar in the darkness, and heard chains clanking in the bathroom. Suddenly he was startled by a blade on his neck and a woman's voice behind him yelling next to his ear. "Bill! How many times do I have to tell you to pick up your chains! Scratch up my floor and you're paying for it!"

"My name's not Bill, it's Marley" echoed back down the hall.

"I still don't care what your name is! Pick up your stupid chains! Anyway, Mr. Bright Idea, what are you doing in my house?"

The Christmas spirit stood like an eerily glowing statue, shocked by the blade against his throat. "I'm looking for Ebenezer Scrooge."

"He's already dead, but he's kinda busy right now cleaning the bathroom with his friend, What's-his-name."

"Well, I suppose I'm here for you then."

He felt her posture relax and the knife slide away, then a bright white reflection blasted his vision like an explosion in the dark. The glow of her cellphone revealed a bored look cross her stern face. "I'm full up on ghosts right now. I won't have another opening till after New Year's."

He was surprised, but took her by the hand and flew off into the damp, inky, October night sky.

They landed at a Christmas party years earlier. They looked on at the decorations, mirth, and festivity. People in colorful sweaters happily talked and joked around a well appointed Christmas tree, while others ate appetizers and filled holiday cups with rum punch, egg nog, and cocoa. "You were invited to that Christmas party but never went."

"Of course I did."

"Huh? Why aren't you there?"

She smirked "Just wait a minute."

Suddenly a man next to the tree silently slumped and disappeared behind it. A small, female hand cupped over the next man's mouth and he quietly fell, dead, into waiting arms. A throwing knife darted, unseen, through the room and caught a woman as she opened the bathroom door. A much younger, attractive, petite, dark curly haired Kelly swiftly and silently dispatched everyone without arousing a single suspicion. Her work complete, she stepped out from the shadows and snapped pictures of twelve bodies.

Christmas Past stood, aghast, made a motion to vomit, and gaped. "Oh my God! Are you?"

"Yep." She smiled as they watched Kelly-past slide a black cloak over her head and vanish as quickly as she appeared.

"I thought you were dead."

"I get that a lot. I told you, I went to the party. What's this all about anyway?"

He gulped nervously. "You wasted your youth?"

"What do you mean I wasted my youth? I had four children with four different men, was widowed twice, killed well over five hundred Wesen, saw every country in the world twelve times, and saved the world at least three times. Let's see what you did with your youth."

She grabbed his hand, they zoomed back to another cheerful and festive Christmas party long ago, and watched the scene unfold. A much younger Christmas Past, then with a full head of hair and brighter hopeful glow, stared, plaintively longing, towards all the women out on the dance floor. They all smiled, talked, cheerfully danced, then glanced back at him, and winked. Kelly looked away from the party and gave him a wry smile "You're the one who wasted his youth! That girl clearly wanted to hop in the sack with you. You danced with her, sighed, and then just went home."

He sighed, remembering times long past. "Ah, it was a different time, back then. Simpler, less worrisome."

She looked at him and chuckled. "Oh, come on. 1986 wasn't really all that different. You could have at least gotten her a drink and talked a little more." She jokingly elbowed him. "That punch looked like it was pretty well spiked. Then it wouldn't have been a total waste."

He rolled his glowing eyes, and grumbled under his breath.

They eventually flew back to her bedroom. He started telling her about the next Christmas spirit. She cut him off in mid-sentence. "Listen Mr. Lightbulb, I really don't need any more bright ideas. If hindsight is really 20/20, you already know what's coming. If you're going to hang around, you're going to have to earn your keep like the rest of them."

He looked around at the other spirits groaning as they cleaned her house. Then he thought back to watching her kill all those people. He was still pretty sure he remembered seeing her die more than once before. "No, you're right. I think I'll be leaving."

"Good choice."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

She was soundly asleep again. Suddenly a gigantic, mirth-filled man with a full head of dark curly hair, a thick, dark, beard, dressed in a flowing, soft, green, velvet robe, started loudly celebrating and cheering Christmas festivity. He lifted his cornucopia high and loudly spoke with a broad grin "Come in and get to know..."

A loud wooden clonk cut his soliloquy short and he crumpled to the ground. She stood behind his body holding the baseball bat she kept next to the bed. He slowly came to, nursing his head, and looking straight at the business end of the wooden baseball bat pointed at him. A stern Kelly, wearing gray pajama sweats, scowled at him. "House rules! No parties after nine!" He started to object about the necessity to live in the here and now. She cut him right off. "No exceptions! The kids have school tomorrow. I'm hosting one Hexenbiest parenting class, and another for mixed Wesen parents, so you'll just have to shut it."

He looked around confused "I'm here for Ebenezer Scrooge."

"Well, you're kinda late to the party, aren't you. He's already dead, he's cleaning the bathroom with Ralph."

Suddenly the clanking of chains cut through the peaceful quiet. "Alphonse! I told you to pick up your chain!" She stared angrily at the door, rolled her eyes, then sighed. "You just can't get good help these days."

"My name's Marley, not Alphonse!" came the reply from down the hall

"I don't care what your name is, pick up your chain! Don't make me come in there with my bat!"

Marley grumbled under his breath, picked up his chains, and resumed scrubbing the toilet, albeit more quietly. "Yes, Ma'am"

Christmas Present paused for a minute, then grinned, undeterred. "I'm the ghost of Christmas Present! I'm here to show you what you could have if you lived in the present."

"It's not even Halloween! I never bother with any of that Christmas stuff till after Thanksgiving anyway." She pulled up her phone and looked at the calendar "Look Hairy Palms, I'm full up on hauntings till at least newyears. You'll just have to come back later."

He looked at her, surprised, then grabbed her hand and flew her to a house impeccably decorated for Halloween festivities. The indestructible stainless steel kitchen appliances were covered with silly cartoon caricature Halloween decorations of bats, ghosts, ghouls, pumpkins, and witches. Friendly, comfortable, welcoming, furniture, decorations, and family pictures betrayed a woman's presence, and warmed the otherwise cold, industrial, heavy, concrete construction.

A very fit man, with a salt and pepper black beard, stood over two high-school age boys, working on school work, while a petite, blonde haired woman who appeared no older than twenty five cooked a kitchen full of Halloween treats. Every single pot on the stove bubbled away while a half-dozen crock pots simmered. She slid two pumpkin pies out of the oven and slid two apple pies in.

The man slid over behind her and kissed her neck while furtively sneaking himself a fresh, hot, cookie. The woman giggled, then reached across him, unsuccessfully, to bat his hand away from the fresh snacks.

She smiled at the scene. "What are we doing at my son, Nick's, house?"

"I'm here to show you all the fun other people are having."

"Hate to break it to you, Hairy, but Halloween is tomorrow, nobody is doing anything tonight."

"But Festivity!"

"Yeah, well, look for yourself. Nick is doing homework with his sons while his wife Adalind works on food for tomorrow's Halloween party. I've had the girls with me all month, while Adalind is at the Oregon Supreme Court."

Christmas present groaned and rubbed his head, then jetted her off to another house. It was even more festively decorated than the first. They wound their way down narrow trails through the densely decorated house on the way to the kitchen. Nothing much was going on at the older, early 20th century craftsman bungalow either.

She saw a dark haired woman with a warm, pleasant smile, with her arm around a very tall, scruffy, salt and pepper gray haired man. Their four kids worked on homework while they, too, prepared for tomorrow's festivities. They watched him twirl her around, lean her back, and catch her in a playful dance move. "Ok, well, Monroe and Rosalee are doing homework with their kids and cooking for the party too. Monroe is the most festive person I know. He's been preparing the house for this all month."

Christmas Present looked around, disappointed at the lack of ongoing parties, thought for a minute, then smiled a bright smile. Finally they searched out a place with a big party going on. The smoky, darkly lit place was filled with dozens of colorful tents, loud, pulsing music, and people huddled together inhaling dark, pungent smoke through ancient animal horns.

Kelly scowled. "You realize this is an Island of Dreams, a Wesen crack house, right?"

He looked at her, confused, then declared something happy about holiday mirth.

"Yeah, well, Carpe Diem? Quite a few people here are on my list like Tiny Tim there. He's had a Wesen Council bounty on his head for ten years now." She disappeared into the crowd. A few minutes later people started panicking and running all over the place. Soon she reappeared with her camera taking pictures of dead people and sending them to the council. She turned and patted him on the shoulder. "Those scoundrels made me nearly three hundred thousand dollars tonight."

Christmas present's face dropped and became sullen. He started to protest, but she cut him off. "Like you said, there's no better time than the present."

They flew back to her house again. His face lit up again and two emaciated children came out of his robe. "These two are the most dangerous! Ignorance and his sister Want."

Fury crossed her face. "I knew you looked familiar. I've got a big bounty on you. What you do with adults is your own business, but I won't stand by for your kinks with children."

He started to protest but she hacked his head off.

She heard clanking chains, and smirked "Jake! Quit dragging your chains and get in here!"

"Nobody ever called me Jake! It's Jacob, Jacob Marley!"

"We've got a bit of a situation in here. Bring your mop and clean up this mess. Go tell your buddy, Scrooge, to get these kids some clothes."

"He's a ghost! Where is he supposed to get clothes?"

"At the store like everybody else. People are crazy now, they'll prefer a ghost wandering around the store to an actual person. Just tell him to wear a dust mask and nobody will say anything."

The spirit of Ebenezer Scrooge, glowing, and covered in great piles of chains, looked at the poor, emaciated children, paused, and smiled. He didn't know why he suddenly cared about them, but he did. Realization which escaped him in his life finally struck him. A million of himself wasn't worth even one of these children in the eyes of Heaven. He heaped his chains over his shoulders, put on his blue dust mask, and slowly lifted off to the store with a child in each arm.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

A few hours later, the ghost of Christmas Future appeared over her bed. A bony corpse covered in a thick, black, billowing robe, holding a reaper's scythe in hand, floated menacingly in the darkness.

To his surprise, she slept soundly. He looked around confused, then wiggled her a few times.

She barely opened one eye. "Just put it over there with the rest of them, and you can go."

The apparition peered through the darkness and saw the shadow of twenty Grimm-reaper scythes stacked up in the corner. He adjusted his hood nervously and pointed at her neck.

She rolled over, trying to ignore him. "Why are you guys always so confused about this. Do I look dead?"

He waved his bony arm across the room and pointed at her.

"No, the Scrooge guy is already dead. He just got back from the store with clothes for the kids. Now he's busy helping Catherine and Anna with their math homework."

The carcass groaned and pointed again.

"Well, then you'll have to get in line with the rest." She looked at her phone "I'm currently backlogged on hauntings past Valentines day."

He shook his head disappointed, then reached out and grabbed her hand. They flew off into the night sky. He expected screaming but instead she was asleep.

He took her into a plain, suburban, rental house where people were selling household personal effects. People complained and bragged about various things and their values. Her stern expression didn't change. "Are they selling my stuff?"

He nodded

"Well, hold on a minute. I've got to write this down so I remember. Nobody steals from me. I'll take care of them tomorrow."

He looked at her shocked, and groaned.

"What do you think I mean? Of course I'm going to kill them."

He grabbed her and flew to the next destination. A group of young people sat around a large, wooden, table talking about how many people she killed and how harsh she was. The ghost pointed. She snickered "Wait for it!"

Now all twelve of her grandkids started bragging about how "Mom" taught them to kill with a knife, how to stalk Wesen, assassination practice, showing off the knives she had bought them, and such. The spirit shook his head as she smiled. "Those are my grandkids. See, they all call me 'Mom'."

The next stop was her grave. She stood there in the bleak darkness, looked at the freshly heaped soil, and read the epitaph on the granite slab. She heard footsteps coming, turned, and pointed a finger past him with a grin. The spirit turned around, bewildered.

A dozen Hexenbiest witch corpses concealed under heavy, dark brown cloaks soon arrived, performed a ceremony, and then danced barefoot on her grave for an hour. A dirty hand finally shot out of the loose soil. A woman clawed and pulled herself out of the grave, looked around, and dusted herself off. Hexen-Diana, Catherine, and Anna pulled the cloaks back off their mummified witch corpse heads, transformed back out of Hexenbiest mode into beautiful young women, gave their grandmother a huge hug and a kiss, and handed her a duffel bag full of clothes. She smiled and kissed each of them on the forehead. They smiled, chatted, and walked off together with their arms around her.

The spirit corpse turned slowly, looked at her fearfully, and groaned.

"Of course they're Hexenbiests. All my granddaughters are Hexenbiests, except Mandy. She's half-Lowen."

It creaked again and scratched a bony finger on it's skull.

"That's kinda a long story, but the short explanation is that my boys have strange taste in women. But, what are you going to do, I wouldn't trade them for the world."

Suddently, the cloaked spirit pointed at the heavy scar on her neck.

She smirked "It's been cut off three times now. I told you, I don't stay dead very well. What's all this business about anyway?"

The spirit creaked and groaned.

"Christmas? I'm Jewish, and Halloween is tomorrow."

She pulled her own thick black cloak over her head, grabbed him, and stared into his eyes. He peered deep inside her black cloak and watched his own bony reflection float in the empty, jet black abyss. He recoiled in terror and tried to pull against her. She laughed and started dragging him down the dimly lit streets back towards the house.

The spirit struggled, kicked, and groaned, unable to free himself from her steel grasp. His struggles left long, deep claw marks in the road behind them. "Now then, let's get back to the business of your haunting. We've recently had an opening in the Ghost department, you'll have to earn your keep like all the rest. I share one bathroom with my three teenage Hexenbiest granddaughters. They love their hairspray, makeup, and that greasy bath soap. That bathroom's not going to clean itself."

The spirit groaned and moaned loudly as it clawed and grabbed at the road, signs, and light poles, but none of it's efforts slowed it's return towards the house.

"Me? How could you haunt me? That's a laugh, you're a lightweight." She laughed as she dragged the Christmas spirit back towards the well lit brick house in the suburban neighborhood. "You're already crying like a little girl at the prospect of mopping the floor and doing some dishes. You'd never be able to handle the rough stuff. What do you think I am, some sort of monster?"

The spirit screeched and groaned plaintively.

"Hell?" She laughed as she dragged him back towards his fears "No, honey, this is Portland."


	2. Diana's first broom ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth Lascelles takes Diana for her very first broom ride.

Halloween hijinks and horrors

Chapter 2

Diana's first broom ride

Mostly Canon characters. Set the 2nd Halloween after the finale.

Characters: Nick, Adalind, Elizabeth Lascelles, Diana,

Originally part of Diana Shenanigans. Cleaned and revised up for Halloween

1.7k words 10/27/20 r1

...

Elizabeth Lascelles learned Nick and Adalind recovered Diana about six months after Zestorer. She immediately reached out and became the Burkhart Family's first actual, real life Grandmother.

Elizabeth dearly loved all three children, but Diana held an extra-special place in her heart.

The blonde haired grandmother witch brimmed with excitement at the prospect of celebrating their first Hexenbiest Halloween. She brought Diana a very special and unique present, her very own Witches broom! This wasn't any old hardware store broom, this was the real thing. It was an old fashioned, woven birch broom with a knotty, brown, hazel branch handle. Elizabeth told them that this was the _balai de sorciere_! The sort of broom that witches actually flew!

Nick looked up from his "World's Best Dad, runner up" cup of coffee, quizzically, at the old fashioned, antique, round, hand-woven broom, while he bounced Catherine, the newest Burkhart baby, in his lap. "Wait? That's real! I thought that was just movie stuff!"

Petite, blonde haired, Adalind shrugged her shoulders as she cooked scrambled eggs and toast at the stove. "I honestly don't know."

"So, you can fly?"

"Um, my mom didn't really go over any of this sort of thing with me."

"Well, I guess I sort of know how that goes. I wonder if Kelly or Catherine can fly?"

"Let's see how this goes first. I'm not really big on brooms. I mostly use a dust mop."

That evening, the Burkhart family trick-or-treated the youngsters through Monroe's oak lined neighborhood, then explored the Halloween secrets of his extensively decorated Mid-century Craftsman bungalow. They enjoyed a little holiday visit with best friends. Diana and Kelly enjoyed a sugar-fuelled romp through the overabundance of colorful decorations with their three best friends. The adults cherished a minute to sit down and visit over a glass of purple, smoking, Halloween punch and a fresh bat-eyeball cookie.

Soon, streetlights shined like twinkling stars into the dark Halloween night, and trick-or-treating ended. Sleep washed over the little ones as the sugar started wearing off, leaving six children yawning and crawling into welcoming laps. Nick, Adalind, and Elizabeth smiled as they ferried sleepy kids back to the strong, industrial concrete and steel reinforced, converted paint factory which had become the Burkhart family home.

Elizabeth's face glowed as she prepared Diana for her very first broom ride. She bundled the blonde haired girl into warm pants and her thick, furry, purple-hearts jacket, then covered her with a wind-proof slicker. "Sweetie, when I was your age, riding the _balai de sorciere_ with my mother was my very favorite thing to do. Here! _Mettez vous chapeau._ Every _Sorciere_ knows she can't fly without her _chapeau de sorciere_!"

Adalind looked on, confused. "Diana doesn't have a witch hat."

Elizabeth immediately produced a small witch hat out of an old black box in her luggage. "Of course she does!" She laughed and gently set the old, black, pointy, hat on the girl's head. "See, it fits perfectly."

Grandmother escorted Diana out into the paved back yard, while Mom and Dad watched cautiously. "Ok, honey, I have to change my face so we can fly." Elizabeth wogued into Witch mode, donned her own witch hat. "Now get on behind me. Hold on tight!" ZOOM! They blasted off into the black, damp, Portland halloween night sky.

Proud dad Nick's face lit up against the dark night and the gray expanse of industrial concrete lit by street lamps, as he watched the girl and her grandmother jet through the dark, damp, Portland Halloween night sky. "Wow! That looks like so much fun! I wonder if she would take me up on a ride."

Adalind's face reflected her worry as she watched her daughter blast through the sky with nothing but a rickety old stick between her and a four-thousand foot fall. "I don't know, Nick, that looks pretty dangerous. Don't you think she needs pads or a helmet?"

Nick winked at her. "Come on honey, let her have some fun. I mean what's the worst that can happen?"

"She could die!"

"Honey, kids need to have fun. Her grandmother probably won't kill her all the way. Well, at least not any worse than the last time. Don't worry, she'll be fine."

The sound of Diana's laughter preceded the duo buzzing right past Mom and Dad's heads as they stood outside the heavy concrete structure. The broom twisted and turned through the air, jetting through Portland's inky Halloween night sky, high over houses, businesses, and the pacific ocean. Diana's laughter brightened the dark night sky each time they flew past.

The ancient witch corpse and her blonde haired granddaughter softly floated into the backyard and gently touched feet down onto the asphalt. Diana's face smiled brightly, but her eyes betrayed exhaustion from a busy day. Adalind escorted the her back into the house towards bed. Diana sleepily chattered about the fun of her broom ride, "With Grandmother Lascelles."

Elizabeth helped finish tuck Diana into her unicorn and pink heart decorated bed when she saw Nick's face shining at her. "Do you want to try?"

"Absolutely!" Nick's face nearly glowed in the darkness of Diana's bedroom.

Grandmother witch giggled as they walked back towards the kitchen and snuck a sliver of Adalind's pumpkin pie out of the fridge. "Riding a Grimm on a _Balai de sorciere_! Imagine what my friends will think of that! Ok then, let's go find Adalind's _chapeau_."

Adalind gave Elizabeth a strange look as they prepared to put it on Nick's head. "Are you sure it's OK? He's a Grimm. Won't it kill him?"

Elizabeth gently laid a comforting hand on Adalind's back. "Nick will be fine."

An extremely hopeful Nick didn't hear a single word they said. He put Adalind's black, pointy, witch hat on his head. "Whoah! It tingles! This is really strange!"

They started walking outside when Nick started hearing things. "What are those voices? It sounds like people talking?"

Elizabeth looked at Adalind and laughed. "Oh, that's normal. Ok Nick, come get on behind me." Elizabeth smiled a mischievous smile. "Adalind, come take a picture with my phone! Maria will never believe this! A real life Grimm with the _chapeau_ on a _balai_! HA!"

Adalind couldn't help but laugh at the sight "Ok, Say cheese!" The flash bathed the back yard in blinding white, capturing the peculiar sight. An ancient mummified witch corpse with a pointy, black, hat, wearing an old, tattered, black dress hanging loosely off her bony carcass, contrasted against the very fit, black haired man wearing bluejeans, a black woolen peacoat, and a black witch hat, holding on behind her.

"Now hold on!" And ZOOM, off they rocketed into the black night. Adalind watched the broom silently blast out of sight into the sky. Elizabeth flew Nick considerably rougher, but he enjoyed every second.

Finally they landed in the asphalt paved back yard. Nick looked at Adalind, eyes aglow. "Wow! So much fun! So you have really never done that?"

Adalind looked at them like they were crazy.

"Uh, honey, little help here!" Nick pulled on the the old, black, witch hat "It won't come off!"

Elizabeth laughed and chided Nick over his antics "Awwww! It likes you!"

He looked at her again. "What are all those strange voices?"

Adalind shrugged at her husband. "How am I supposed to know, I have never even put it on my head."

"Nick, Don't pull on that." Elizabeth suddenly stopped and turned towards Adalind, surprised, while Nick swiveled and craned his head, trying to figure out how to get the hat to let go.

They ignored Nick now. Elizabeth looked at Adalind shocked "What? Never?"

"Nope, not even once!"

Adalind walked up to her husband "You have to relax, hon. Watch." And she took the hat off his head, then flopped it right back on his head again. "See?"

"Wait! No! Now it's stuck again! Wow that feels really weird! It's, like, minty."

Elizabeth started laughing and Adalind looked at him like he was crazy "Minty?"

"Maria will never believe this!" Elizabeth clicked a picture of Nick in the hat. "A Grimm! Ha!" She held her phone up and snapped a selfie of herself next to Nick, craning, to figure out how to detach the hat.

Elizabeth had a big smile on her face "Adalind, you need to do this at least once in your life! _Mettez vous chapeau_ and come on!"

Nick struggled, the hat wouldn't come off. "Guys! Hello! Little help here!"

Adalind walked over to him and nonchalantly held her hand above the hat. It immediately lifted itself right off into her waiting fingers. "Are you sure this is safe?"

"Of course, come on! It's Halloween and THIS is the witching hour!" Elizabeth replied with a smile.

Both women wogued into witch mode, Adalind grabbed on behind Elizabeth, and ZOOM! Off they went. Nick heard Adalind and Elizabeth laughing as they silently wooshed through the night sky.

They got back and Elizabeth asked her "So that was really your first time ever? You did really well. And you have never put the chapeau on your head before?"

"No."

"Not even once? You were never curious?"

"Well, let's just say witch stuff and I don't exactly get along."

"Wow! My mother was always scolding me about running around the house in her _chapeau de sorciere_ when I was little. Never?"

"Nope."

"Well, my dear, let's change that!"


	3. Read the books

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monroe and Rosalee tease Nick that he should read his Grimm books. Family/humor.

Halloween hijinks and horrors

Chapter 3

Read the books

Family/Humor

Characters: Nick, Monroe, Rosalee

Originally part of Diana Shenanigans. Cleaned up for Halloween

2.1k words 10/28/20 r1

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Dude, you are such a cop! I swear, you really didn't read the books did you?" Monroe loved to rant at Nick about stuff like this. The two best friends sat on the old, orange fabric, wood trimmed couch in his living room as three youngsters ran circles through the crowded, hardwood trimmed interior of Monroe and Rosalee's Mid-century Craftsman style bungalow.

"I mean, not like recreationally, I work a lot of cases. And I have a family now. Three kids! Diana!" Nick looked at his best friend sheepishly, then down at the worn hardwood floors.

It was the day after Halloween and Monroe's house was only barely packed up from the holiday extravaganza. Partially assembled decorations littered every inch of floor. The Triplets zoomed by on another lap, scattering candy wrappers as they frolicked.

Monroe, once crotchety towards children, but now impervious to their constant noisy assault, chuckled. "Of course they can fly hexenbesen! Everybody knows that! I mean it's all right there in your books. You know you do have two whole books on Hexenbiests. Lots of interesting information in them."

"Hexenbesen?"

"That's what their flying brooms are called."

"Huh, Elizabeth called it something different, a _balai de sorciere_."

Rosalee gently laughed "Elizabeth is French, she doesn't use the German terminology."

Nick laughed as the kids blasted through on another lap and almost caught little Jason as he absconded with his left shoe. "Those books are all in some weird ancient German."

Monroe grabbed the brown lace-up police-issue shoe out of the zooming boy's hand and handed it back to Nick. "There are a ton of online translation apps! Seriously! I know I have read your Grimm books more than you! Hey Rosalee, do Hexenbiests fly hexenbesen?"

Rosalee smiled as she cradled brown-haired baby Kyle in her arms "Of course Nick. Everybody knows that."

Nick scowled, trying to get his shoe back on his foot before Jillian snatched it away. "Come on. Monroe? Rosalee? Adalind didn't know."

Monroe laughed as his daughter rocketed away with Nick's shoe. "Dude, no offense, we love Adalind, but she's the Hexenbiest version of you."

Nick rolled his eyes as the little girl came rocketing back down one of the narrow, winding trails through decorations that snaked the living room, laughing. He surreptitiously reached out and caught the shoe, which yielded a grump out of her. He gave her a little tickle and sent her scampering after her brothers.

Monroe loved teasing his friend. "I mean it's not like you put on her hexenhut or anything."

"Hexenhut?"

"That's what their hat is called, a Hexenhut."

Nick slid the shoe back onto his foot, looked at him silently, and slowly blinked.

Monroe's eyes suddenly flashed open wide. "You didn't? No? You actually put on the hexenhut?"

Nick smiled, "To fly the broom, with Elizabeth. She said I had to. Except she called it a chapeau de sorciere."

Monroe stopped and stood bolt upright. His eyes bugged out even bigger, "YOU FLEW THE HEXENBESEN! WITH THE HEXENHUT ON? Rosalee! Nick says he put on a Hexenhut AND flew the Hexenbesen!"

"Yeah, Adalind took pictures? See?" He handed Monroe his phone, showing ancient, mummified Hexen-Elizabeth on her old wooden broom with Nick hanging on behind her. They floated about six-feet off the ground in the picture.

Rosalee stopped stock still and stared at the picture, then him, eyes nearly popped out of her head. "You did WHAT?" She walked over and closely inspected the picture, then peered into his face, eyes, and arms. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yesterday night - on Halloween when she was teaching Diana. It was super fun. I wish I could ride the broom more. Why?"

They both looked at Nick dumbfounded and yelled, "YOU PUT ON A HEXENHUT, ON HALLOWEEN, AND THEN RODE A HEXENBIEST HEXENBESEN! ON HALLOWEEN!"

Rosalee now handled Nick. She opened his mouth and inspected it, swiveld his head around, carefully inspected the veins on his neck and arms, looked carefully at his head where the hat band sat, then got really close, wogued into Fuchsbau mode, and stared deep into his eyes. "Yep, still a Grimm."

Nick, surprised, and mildly annoyed, "What?"

Both Monroe and Rosalie stood next to eachother, in front of the couch, and stared silently for a what seemed like an eternity.

She looked at Monroe cautiously, "I guess he looks OK."

She looked back at Nick, "Did anything happen?"

"What do you mean 'anything happen'? It got stuck on my head and was all tingly. I couldn't figure out how to get it off."

They both looked at Nick, "What?"

Rosalee looked at Monroe, "The hexenhut accepted him? A Hexenbiest hexenhut accepted a Grimm?"

They both sat down on the couch and stared at Nick. Rosalee curiously asked, "What did it feel like?"

"Weird. It was minty."

Monroe looked at Nick, confused, "Minty? What does that mean?"

"I don't know, that's just what it felt like. Minty. And it was stuck on my head. I couldn't get it off. She flew me around for like a half an hour."

Rosalee looked at Monroe, then back at Nick. "I guess it must have. Did Elizabeth say anything?"

Nick laughed, "Yeah, she was laughing and taking pictures. Said she was going to send them to all her Hexenbiest friends." Nick grumbled under his breath, he knew something was coming. "What? You are going to tell me it's supposed to kill Grimms or something?"

Rosalee's face turned serious, "Yes! That's supposedly the worst offense a non-Hexenbiest can commit against a Hexenbiest - Donning the hexenhut on Halloween! It's supposed to suck your soul out into the hexenhut or something."

"I guess I just ain't got no soul."

Monroe looked at him, "Dude, you really need to read the books. I mean I guess it's not like you got Hexenbiest milk on you or anything."

Nick looked at him again and slowly blinked.

Rosalee looked at him again, "Nick? You didn't, did you?"

"Adalind and I have three children together. It's impossible to avoid getting it on you. They burp and spit up and spill bottles and stuff."

Monroe looked at him incredulously. "How are you alive? Uh, Rosalee, show Nick your arm."

She rolled up her sleeves revealing a bunch of little skull shaped scars imprinted into her arms.

"What are those from? Adalind's milk? No! Seriously? Little skull shaped scars?"

She looked at him, "I thought she put formula in Kelly's bottles. She said she had no idea."

Monroe wrinkled his forehead. "I had to rush her over to the spice shop for the antidote. You know, so she wouldn't die. Well, at least you didn't get it in a cut or drink it or anything... uh... Did you?"

Nick blinked at them again.

Monroe rolled his eyes. "Of course you did.. You know, maybe it's better he didn't read the books."

He looked back at Nick, "Ok, today is crazy opposite day so you are going to tell us it's some sort of medicine for you or something? I mean YOU wore her HEXENHUT? A Grimm wore a Hexenbiest hexenhut ON HALLOWEEN and now her milk doesn't kill you?"

Nick smiled.

Rosalee was already laughing. "Ok Mr. Grimm, Spill the beans!"

"Yeah, well, you guys have kids too, you know how it goes. I end up with baby milk all over me all the time, I mean two babies, I helped feed them and all... Anyway 2-years ago, Remember that protest where I got stabbed in the arm by the crazy guy, you know, the one where they put us all in riot gear?"

Monroe nodded and Nick continued. "Well, I went home to get out of my riot gear before I went to the hospital for stitches. Adalind was sleeping and Kelly woke up for a bottle... I didn't want to wake her up. Anyway, I was exhausted. I must have forgot to put the lid on the bottle and I poured it all over my arms and down into the bandages. It burned like crazy - I guess I woke Adalind up. Anyway, she came running and unwrapped it. That big knife hole was all full of her milk. I was going to rinse it out because it was really burning - my whole arm was on fire. Adalind looked and said 'Hey, it's healing.' Yeah, the whole thing just closed right up in like 10 seconds. Zip gone. No scar or anything. Here look."

He rolled up his sleeve and nothing. He looked at Monroe "Remember - you saw it. You saw the bones in my arm. But it just disappeared."

Monroe, flabbergasted, "And now you are going to tell me that you do this on purpose! Hexenbiest milk? A Grimm? You wore her hat! Ah, why not, we are in opposite world. So she's like your medicine or something."

It finally dawned on Rosalee. "Wait, Nick, you said Elizabeth told you to wear the hat?"

"Yep."

She looked at Monroe knowingly. "Yep, that's what happened. Elizabeth knew."

Monroe looked at her, surprised, "Huh?"

"Elizabeth and I spent the better part of a month cooking up a whole battery of potions. Nick probably took well over a dozen to prepare him for the final procedure with Juliette."

Monroe and Nick watched the gears in Rosalee's brain turn in quiet silence. Finally she looked up "The only thing that would make any sense is that Nick somehow carries part of Adalind's Hexenbiest now like Adalind carries Nick's Grimm Blood."

Nick, now very confused, "I'm part Hexenbiest?"

Monroe never passed up an opportunity to slide one in. "You're part Adalind."

Rosalee continued, "Yes, sort of like how Diana got your Grimm blood via Adalind, not you."

They watched Nick's expression change, he silently brooded for several minutes, then half whispered, "So it _was_ me. I somehow did _that_ to Juliette?"

Nick sat in stone faced silence, deep in thought, until Rosalee broke in. "Nick, would Juliette ever give up her Hexenbiest if she had the opportunity?"

"No" came the quiet reply. Nick remembered the look on her face, in the other place, through the mirror, when she arrived without her powers. It literally broke her, she died inside, knowing what she gained, then lost. Instead of flee and live life without powers, she chased death, and smashed headlong into it's cold, waiting, arms one short hour later. Adalind at least chose to live and scheme. He remembered watching, powerless to act, as Juliette intentionally chose death. Then he remembered the time before, when Juliette was revived by the staff, and had no powers. The look. The empty, hopeless, destitute, frightful look of a woman who saw no value in living.

Rosalee smiled gently and touched his hand "Nick, she's so happy now. She would die before she gave it up."

Nick sighed a deep sigh that echoed from the bottom of his soul. He remembered proposing to Juliette and being turned down three different times. "I know. I wouldn't ever trade this for the way it was. But, still."

"Look at what you have, a wife that loves you and a family."

He now smiled, thinking about the way things were. They really did have something special.

"You must still carry some portion of Adalind's Hexenbiest whatever-it-is or the hat would kill you and you couldn't fly the broom. I think that's how the two of you can have kids without dying."

Monroe suddenly laughed. "It goes way beyond kids. It's like the two of you are the antidote to eachother. You both go crazy, get really weird, and turn murderous without eachother.

Nick looked down at the hardwood floor, rubbed his hand in his hair, and rolled his eyes, then smirked a wry grin. "Seriously?"

Monroe and Rosalee both nodded, then Monroe slid one in with a grin. "You know, maybe don't read the books."


	4. Family traditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monroe and Rosalee watch some video of Nick's latest Halloween Hijinks

Halloween hijinks and horrors

Chapter 4

Family Traditions

Set a few years after the finale.

Family/Humor/supernatural

Characters: Nick, Adalind, Monroe, Rosalee, Elizabeth Lascelles

Originally part of Diana Shenanigans. Cleaned up for Halloween

1.8k words 10/28/20 r1

...

Riding the broom on Halloween became an extra-special Burkhart family tradition. Nick finally even got the hang of riding the broom all by himself. The only one who didn't seem to love wild and crazy broom rides was Adalind. While she loved going up for a nice, leisurely, romantic ride with Nick, she still thought it was too dangerous for the kids.

Elizabeth started bringing some of her witch friends under the guise of celebrating... They actually came to see The Grimm who somehow didn't get killed by the hat, and what sort of Halloween hijinks he would get into each year. Nick Burkhart became a Hexenbiest internet sensation.

Her witch friends didn't believe her - a Grimm? But there he was, an actual real life Grimm, in the hat, riding the broom, on Halloween. Halloween! This Grimm had no magic ability or any idea how to control any of it, so it was guaranteed to be funny. Nick never disappointed. And of course they all had to take pictures and video of that.

Strange things always surprised Nick when he wore the witch hat. He asked Adalind about it and she didn't know. He asked Elizabeth, she couldn't stop laughing and snapping pictures to show her friends. So he asked Monroe.

Nick sat at his wooden kitchen table with Monroe, while eight kids bounced and zoomed through the extra-heavy duty concrete and steel, industrial, Burkhart family loft.

Nick slurped his freshly brewed black coffee and looked at his friend quizzically. "Monroe, something weird happened last night when we were riding the brooms."

Monroe sipped his cup of Nick's coffee, and tried, politely as he could, not to scowl or spit it out. He hunted the fridge for rescue, some promise of a heavy dose of sugar and cream, but only found an old jar of powdered chemical creamer and strange, bitter tasting artificial sweetener. His ultra-acute Bludbaden werewolf senses of smell and taste suffered undue abuse at the hands of Nick's cheap coffee, intensified by an even cheaper coffee maker. _Ugh!_ _This is why I make Nick come to my house for coffee._ Nick's "taste" in coffee, if you could call it that, had been honed by ten years of cop work - meaning if it came out of a coffee pot, and you could get it into the cup, it was "coffee." He scowled as he peered into the cup and silently pondered, _I'm not sure how it's possible, but I'm pretty sure Adalind's taste in coffee is even worse._ Hexenbiests are _literally capable of drinking poison without any harm, and this coffee bears out that truth._ His eyes brightened at the prospect of hearing another Halloween story from Nick. _Terrible coffee is a small price to pay for hearing Nick's strange Halloween experiences._ "Like weirder than your normal weird?"

Nick now sported a mischievous grin. "Yep."

Monroe couldn't help the grin building up inside him. "Try me."

"I lit my beer on fire."

"Huh? How do you light beer on fire?" He started to explain that beer had far too little alcohol in it to be anywhere near flammable, but decided to just see where this went.

"I'm not really sure. Fire came out of my hand and lit my beer on fire."

"Dude? Out of your hand?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, that is weird for you. This might be your new record... Did anything else happen?"

Adalind walked by carrying a sealed box of Halloween decorations. "Nick blew up my cellphone. Again."

Monroe looked up at Adalind. "Again?" He now caught sight of three Hexenbiests, Adalind, Elizabeth, and Diana, "un-decorating" the heavy concrete and steel loft. A silent swarm of halloween decorations floated through the air, organized themselves, and waited patiently, until the next box was ready. He thought to the scene in his house, now jealous. _Sixty-one boxes! I have to manually pack sixty-one boxes. Maybe Rosalee and I can bribe them off to work some un-decorating magic in my house._ He peeked into the living room. Rosalee clearly thought exactly the same thing as she watched another swarm of decorations neatly arrange and pack themselves into a waiting box. Luckily he already had a batch of Adalind's favorite, Triple habanero, ghost pepper, vegan, beet sausage, waiting in the freezer. The Hexenbiests and Nick's kids ate it like candy while everyone else called it "Napalm Sausage" for good reason.

Adalind patted Nick on the shoulder. "Yes! Again! So guess who's buying me a new phone today."

Nick looked on sheepishly "How was I supposed to know lightning would come out of my hands?"

Monroe looked up, "Lightning?"

"Yeah. Zap - kapow. She acts mad, but she wanted a new phone anyway. So guess where we're going after we get the decorations put away?"

"How did you do that?"

"I don't know. I was wearing her hat after a broom ride and kapow.. Beer on fire... Then later on same thing, except different.. Adalind's phone Kaboom."

"Did you ask Elizabeth?"

"Yeah, she kept laughing so hard she fell on the ground. She could barely even breathe. She just kept taking videos and snapping pictures."

"Weren't a couple of her Hexenbiest friends there too? Did they say anything?"

"All of them were rolling around on the ground laughing so hard they couldn't even talk."

"I wish I could have seen it."

"You know you're always invited, right?" Nick chided Monroe. He knew his friend was a little more than iffy around Hexenbiests. Adalind, Elizabeth, and Diana were provisionally mostly ok, but twelve more that he didn't know casting spells and blasting fire out of the back yard? Not so much.

"Do you, by chance, have some video? I gotta see this."

Nick poured another fresh cup of cheap, bitter coffee. He happily slurped away, out of his "Worlds Best Dad, runner up" cup, as if it was the best in the world. "Of course. They already posted it online."

 _Bingo bango! Jackpot! This is exactly why Rosalee and_ _I came here today,_ Monroe grinned ear to ear as he suspiciously stared into his steaming cup 'o death, shrugged, and assaulted his refined palate with a bitter, harsh, grassy, sip.

They played the video. Nick, wearing the hat and his trademark black peacoat, stepped off the hovering broom and ambled over towards the picnic table. He smiled, chatted, and patted guests on the shoulders. He got a bottle of beer out of the large icy cooler, popped the top, and took a quick sip. He sat it down and wandered over to greet one of the Hexenbiests from Adalind's law firm, when huge, thick, plumes of blue fire started erupting out of his hand. The witch noticed the raging inferno, and quickly ducked away, running for Adalind. He wasn't paying attention, reached for his beer, and suddenly, blue, orange, and white fire engulfed the bottle.. The intense, seething, fire created a volcano of molten glass and steam rocketing up, off the concrete picnic table, and even started melting a boiling, bubbling, spitting, white hot ring of molten concrete mingled with colorful glass in the table..

He saw people pointing and yelling, and turned to investigate the commotion, and finally noticed his hand on fire. Everybody knows "Stop, drop, and roll," but instead, he started flapping it, shaking, and running all over the place. Adalind came running, concerned, but all the witches laughed like crazy, snapped pictures, and filmed video. You could hear laughter and old women yelling "Stop running! You have to relax"...

He stuck his hand in a blue, plastic, rain barrel full of water, but the water instantly rolled up into a giant, orange, ball of fire, and slowly, silently, floated up into the sky. The barrel, now empty, melted into a sputtering blob and slowly burned down into a bright-yellow, glowing, puddle of molten pavement in the asphalt yard. Next he ran around and flapped more bolts of blue fire which bounced off the side of the house, skipped off cars, flew into the air, and skittered across the road. Finally Diana jumped up and took the hat off his head. The Halloween light show stopped as quickly as it erupted.

Adalind ran over to check on Nick. He looked over and the molten, smoking blob of beer bottle was *still* on fire. The white orange bubbling pool of lava finally burned a hole through the concrete table, oozed down onto the ground, where Nick finally put it out of it's misery with a large dose from a fire extinguisher. Everybody was laughing so hard they were holding their sides and limping.

Monroe looked up from Nick's phone, laughing so hard he was crying. He called Rosalee in and replayed it for her. Now she rolled with laughter...

Nick interrupted them after the 6th time re-watching the video "So, any idea what that was all about?"

Monroe held his sides and barely choked out the words "No clue dude! That's definitely a new record for you."

Rosalee looked on with sparkling brown eyes, laughing so hard she could barely talk "Please! Tell me they got video of the lightning?"

Nick grumbled "Of course they did. And you want to see it?"

They both smiled and nodded, brimming with anticipation.

They watched the video and there was Nick with the hat walking into the kitchen. He reached for the fridge door and thick yellow bolts of lightning instantly poured out of his hand. He jumped back bright lightning zapped and skipped all over the place. White sparks crackled and flashed across everything in the kitchen as he flapped his hand wildly. Giant bolts of lightning burned black, jagged tracks into the bar, cabinets, fridge, and ceiling.

Adalind's phone rang and Nick unconsciously reached for it. The lightning poured out of his hand and shot directly into her phone. The pink, shiny, glittered cellphone exploded into a huge fireball of white and purple sparks while Nick looked on petrified. Everybody ran around, ducking, trying to escape as more lightning flashed out of his hand into every surface and object in the kitchen. Of course everybody at Nick's house could barely contain their laughter while incessantly snapping pictures... Finally Adalind ran up, yelling, and slipped the hat off. Everything just stopped. She held up the ashy, burnt, roasted remains of her phone with a scowl while he looked on, sheepishly apologizing.

Monroe and Rosalee were laughing so hard they both fell out of their chairs.

Finally, choking back laughter Monroe said "So, Emperor Palpatine, Call us up next time so we can come over!"


	5. Diana's new hat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elizabeth Lascelles teaches Diana to make her first witch hat

Halloween Hijinks and Horrors

Chapter 5

Diana's new hat

Characters: Diana, Elizabeth Lascelles, OC's

Horror/Suspense/Family

Originally from Diana Shenanigans, cleaned up for Halloween

1.3k words, 10/30/20 r1

...

The silver telephone in the chief valet's pocket rang three times in quick succession. He picked up instantly - one does not keep your king waiting.

"Yes, your highness! I understand! Yes sir! Immediately your highness!"

The decisive click ending the call left no question about it's priority.

The Valet looked around and grumbled at this most recent, seemingly frivolous, request. "I am the valet. I don't understand why I have to chase down lunch! That's the cook's job and the maid's job. I am the Valet, and I didn't take this job to be a bellhop. The Royal Family has a full staff here in the castle but this is The King, and The Princess wants a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, oranges, and lemonade." A loud grumble punctuated the end of his annoyed tirade.

He rode the service elevator downstairs, staring off into space, ignoring it's worn, brushed stainless steel, industrial appearing interior, and purposefully strode into the kitchen. "Hello! Cook!" His loud greeting echoed into eerie silence. Not only did no one in the kitchen answer, but the large, stainless steel, fully appointed, royal kitchen lacked the usual bustle, sounds, and smells of an actual Royal Kitchen. He grumbled under his breath about the poor quality help these days. _No wonder the king is furious! Well, I'll see about a new castle staff after we finish up this lunch business._

He looked at the calendar on his phone to make sure it wasn't some sort of holiday. "Lazy cook! If this was MY castle - I know what I would do first! And what's this disgusting brown pile of dust? That's not sanitary! MAID!" He angrily stomped out of the kitchen into the Maid's quarters, but found no one. "MAID! NOW!"

The only answer his queries received was the hollow echo of his own voice against the simple, spartan, white painted maid's quarters. He marched his way back into the empty commercial kitchen and rummaged in the various cupboards. "Now where does that blasted lazy cook keep his peanut butter? I swear. A masters degree in business administration from Cambridge and twenty years in the Royal household and I have to make peanut butter sandwiches for a thirteen year old girl!" He grumbled, barely able to contain his overflowing displeasure.

As he carried lunch up the stairs to the locked room, he noticed another brown pile of dust on the stairs. "MAID! MAID!" He looked around, angrily, and grumbled under his breath. "This is a castle, not a barn! Absolutely unsanitary! And we JUST watched the safety video LAST WEEK! MAID!"

He unlocked the heavily bolted door to the glittering, opulent, royal suite Diana and her grandmother Elizabeth Lascelles stayed in. He donned his best fake smile and affected a cheerful demeanor the instant he swung the heavy door open. "Lunch for her highness, the Princess!"

He noticed several more brown piles of dust and grumbled to himself about the poor quality help available these days.

Elizabeth smiled a very polite smile at the Valet. "Oh, thank you so much. Have you seen what the pricess has been making while vacationing here?"

The man humored her - It was his job to act interested. She was a Princess after all... "Oh, yes, that is a fine hat! That is so nice! Did you sew that all by yourself?"

Diana smiled, "Yes sir. My Grandmother taught me to sew it."

He put on his best fake smile. "Well, you did a marvelous job my dear. Your sewing is first rate!"

"Thank you sir. Try it on!"

The valet knew he couldn't refuse her - but he was trying to get back to his real duties, now compounded by the matter of replacing the entire staff. "Oh, I don't want to hurt it. It's such a beautiful hat. I am sure my old head is much too big."

She smiled playfully, shifted her shoulders side to side, then made a pouty face.

He grumbled inside, but kept his saccharine smile fully engaged. "Oh, all right dear. I promise to be very careful with your beautiful hat."

He gently took the large black hat, with the wide brim and pointy top, by his fingertips, looked it over, smiled politely, and gingerly set it on his head.

Diana innocently slid up next to him, recited a quick sentence in Latin, then playfully tapped his head through the hat.

The man smiled and prepared to return to his duties, but suddenly started to feel a bit dizzy. Elizabeth looked at him with a polite smile and softly touched his hand. "You look like you have had such a busy day. Won't you have a seat with us here for a moment and tell the princess all about what a man with such important duties does for the royal family. Let me get you a cup of tea. Do you take sugar and cream?"

He started to protest, but suddenly felt like he had been craving a good cup of tea all morning. He smiled politely. He realized he still had the girl's hat on his head, and moved to take it off. Elizabeth stopped him "Sir, let me take a picture with the princess! She has been having such a marvelous summer adventure in your beautiful castle. This is her first time staying in a real castle you know! We want a good fun picture with every single person here."

The hat felt a bit tight on his head as he posed with the princess. His face seemed a bit sweaty. He politely pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his head. He looked, shocked. Blood! He forced himself calm. Job number one - never alarm royal guests. He certainly must never splatter his blood on royalty. Perhaps it was a nosebleed - he tried to remember if he had taken his medicine for chronic high blood pressure. He didn't see the woman or the princess - perhaps he could make a quick exit before he made an embarrassing scene. The king would never forgive him for ruining the princess's new dress like this. Perhaps they were in another room in the suite.

He looked around and saw two bony desiccated female witch corpses looking at him through their shriveled eyes. He rubbed his eyes, unsure of this new hallucination. He started to stand up and escape towards the door. The witches gently took him by the arms, and politely sat him back in the chair with his tea. They clicked and ground ancient bony jaws, smiling. The older one touched his face with her bony, curled hand tipped with hard, black, jagged nails. "Shhhhh! You look tired from your day, have another sip of the nice, warm, tea. This will only hurt for a bit."

Another trickle of blood ran down his forehead into his collar. A whisp of steam slowly rose off of the beautiful, perfectly tailored black Italian suit. The Valet shifted nervously in his seat. His face started to wrinkle. He looked down at his hands, and they started to look old and coarse. He stood full up to scream but his body, now dried, stiff, and leathery, emitted only a hoarse, raspy, dusty gasp. Soon fine brown powder floated down off the brown statue of the valet into a little pile in the floor, until finally, Diana's hat laid on top of a small brown pile.

Elizabeth and Diana transformed back into Grandmother and Granddaughter. Grandmother smiled "This has been such a fun summer hasn't it! Let's go see if your new hat is ready for a good broom ride or if we need a few more."

Diana smiled a big smile and nodded yes.


	6. Halloween Hats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls enjoying a bit of halloween fun in their witch hats

Halloween Hijinks and Horrors

Chapter 6

Halloween hats

Grimm Supernatural/Adventure

Characters: Elizabeth Lascelles, Nick and Adalind, Diana, Catherine (OC, Nick and Adalind's third child), Anna Porter (OC, Josh Porter's daughter)

Set approximately 20 years post-finale.

Originally part of Diana Shenanigans. Cleaned up for Halloween

0.8k words 10/31/20 r1

...

A long string of massive blasts shook the Burkhart's expanded loft all the way to it's heavy industrial concrete foundations. Every single thing in their house rattled and vibrated as the powerful blasts outside rocked the house. Gigantic plumes of thick blue and white lightning mixed with orange and blue fire crackled and roared up out of their paved yard, following jagged trails through the light rain up into Portland's dreary late fall night sky.

The weather authorities picked up a localized lightning storm and it disrupted everything in the area. TV, satellite, internet, radio, cellphone, GPS and navigation were all currently down. Even the Military systems were severely disrupted by the powerful electrical storm. They also picked up what they first thought were large birds zooming through the lightning storm - but they were going much too fast for birds. The authorities groused, "Storm Chasers" always flew drones in the storms to collect footage for the popular internet videos.

Soon a dozen more thick bolts of orange lightning mixed with hundreds of giant orange fireballs slithered and blasted their way high up into the sky, finally exploding into patterns of pumpkins, and more giant thunder claps rocked the building. The sky over the old converted paint factory building lit up revealing shadows of women and one male Grimm in large hats zooming their brooms through the wet inky black night.

More multi-colored lightning mixed with colored fire surged and crackled even higher into the sky exploding into cornucopias, ghosts, skulls, and cats as witches swirled and zoomed on their brooms.

It was Halloween at the Burkhart's. The Witches celebrated with The Grimms and their Wesen friends. One large portable roof kept the rain out of dozen large ancient black cauldrons bubbling away with soups, hot appetizers, and hot drinks. A second protected the picnic table full of halloween delicacies and several large coolers brimming with icy beverages. Everybody wore extra-heavy duty ear protection to guard themselves against the deafening blast of bolt after thunderous lightning bolt being launched feet away from them. The kids roasted marshmallows and hot dogs over a warm campfire burning in a steel fire pit. It's cheerful flames helped drive off the chill of the damp late October night.

A dozen Witches smiled and told stories while drinking sweet fruity Beaujolais noveau wine and trading hats. The women transformed one by one into ancient bony hexenbiest corpses, ground their jaws, and cackled. The witch corpses blasted giant, crashing, lightning bolts, and huge, roaring, plumes of fire out of their hands, high up into the Halloween night sky. Each one eagerly awaited her turn to try all the other witches' hats to compare against her own collection. They especially liked testing the "New hats" against the "Old hats" they inherited from their own mothers, aunts, and grandmothers.

Elizabeth Lascelles taught her granddaughters Diana, Catherine, and Anna the ancient tradition of making their own hats from scratch. The mother or grandmother traditionally taught her young Hexenbiest to sew her own hat on her 13th birthday when Hexenbiests got their powers, but hardly anyone did that anymore. Mother witch Adalind knew nothing about this and wasn't interested. Her mother never taught her any of this. Grandmother insisted that her Hexenbiest granddaughters would learn their ancient ways.

Everyone agreed that they liked Diana's hat the best for regular work. It was so easy to control and would effortlessly produce exactly the desired outcome.

Anna's hat made a good utility hat. It worked well enough, and performed adequately, but didn't particularly stand out among any of the others.

Catherine's hat on the other hand exuded pure, sheer, raw, brute power. Her hat was difficult to control because it was simply so incredibly powerful. An experienced witch had to be extremely careful casting spells in this hat or she was likely to completely incinerate everything around her.

Momma Witch Adalind insisted on "House Rules" that Dad "The Grimm" wasn't allowed to wear Catherine's hat anymore. He mistakenly blasted lightning and fire into their concrete and steel shed - melting it into a glowing, boiling pool of molten lava two years prior. That video was still a Hexenbiest internet sensation with just over one half billion views. "Melting the Shed" was their reigning video champ, the Burkhart family record.

The witches knew exactly how a hat got it's power, but on Halloween night when they came to The Grimm's house to pour thick booming lightning and raging fire straight up into the very top of the heavens - tiny Catherine's hat ruled them all.


	7. Diana's witch costume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana shows her fiancee her "witch costume."

Halloween hijinks and horrors

Chapter 7

Diana's Witch Costume

Set approximately 25 years after the finale.

Family/Humor/supernatural

Characters: Diana, Tanner Howe (OC)

Originally part of Diana Shenanigans. Cleaned up for Halloween

1.2k words 10/30/20 r1

...

Diana could not contain her excitement about parading her fiancee Tanner at their first Wesen Halloween party in a couple days. Tanner was half Zauberbiest/half Grimm, but he didn't know that because he inherited all recessive genes. Of course Diana did know all that. He didn't wogue or have any powers, except he saw both Wesen and Grimms.

Sandy brown haired, blue eyed, 5'10" tall, 210lb and paunchy, partially balding Tanner was one of _those_ Howes, the Howe family of Salem Witch Trial fame. He always explained that "the witch thing" was an unfortunate legend ginned up by an overzealous media which incessantly entangled his family. That wasn't exactly true, The Howe Family was one of the oldest and most prominent Hexenbiest/Zauberbiest families on the East Coast. His father's "branch" was cast off off the tree when he failed to inherit any Zauberbiest powers, but Tanner didn't know any of that either.

Nobody really understood what Diana saw in Tanner. Sure, he was obviously a good catch, a normal, regular guy, who would make a fine husband and father. He made a good living, was a decent, friendly, and caring guy. He drove a beige sedan, owned a modest house in a good neighborhood, and had a fully funded 401k. Tanner happily plied his trade - as an assistant controller in a manufacturing plant that made industrial adhesives. He was a glue factory accountant, with a body honed by endless hours behind a desk, drinking gallons of coffee, and staring at tables of numbers on a computer screen. Tanner was just so normal, and Diana's family was anything but.

Her family was weird, even by Wesen standards. The confluence of the impossible and the improbable met, mingled within the walls of their house, and bore children. Dad was a Grimm, Mom was a witch, Grandma was an assassin, all her siblings loved head chopping. They hunted with their Wesen friends, and Diana was, well, Diana. Everyone was shocked that she was bringing regular, normal, unassuming, good catch, fiancee Tanner Howe into the middle of _that_.

She decided it was time to bring Tanner to the Annual Burkhardt Halloween Party. This was going to be a "Real" Wesen Halloween party - aka come wogued! Tanner didn't know that either, and had never been to a real Wesen Halloween party. He just thought it was a "Normal" Halloween party where you dress up.

"Honey, what are you dressing up as?" Tanner looked up at Diana from the college basketball game on TV. He lounged in the recesses of his soft, brown, recliner.

"A witch!" She smiled at him, walking by, with a ceramic Halloween pumpkin in her hands.

"A witch? Seriously? That's so overdone. You should go as Princess Lea! I want to go as Han Solo!"

"Not gonna happen. I already picked out my costume."

Tanner rolled his eyes. He really hoped for something more original. "But all the girls always go as witches. How about Lara Croft Tomb Raider?"

"I am going as a scary witch."

Scary witches weren't really his thing. He wasn't exactly a horror movie sort of guy. "Can't you go as a sexy witch instead? I can go as a ghost."

"If you go as a ghost, you have to stay here. How about you go as an accountant. That will freak everybody out." Diana chuckled under her breath. He had no idea that a "Going as a Ghost" really meant astral projection to her.

"Boo! I just offshored all your jobs and now you work at WalMart! Yep. Super Scary hon! Ok, show me your witch costume."

"You should go as an Operations Manager then!" She chuckled because this was Wesen halloween party. This was most Wesen's one and only chance to fang out and "be yourself."

"I can wear a fake beard and a red tie. Arrrrgh! Get back to work! I already cut out overtime! You punched in late the 3rd time this month! You're fired!... Yeah, maybe not. Ok, now I gotta see this witch costume!"

"It's pretty scary. You probably aren't ready."

Tanner put on his best hero face. "What? Oh, come on! It won't scare me!"

"Ok, fine, just let me go in the bathroom and change."

"Sheesh! It's not like I haven't seen you. We are getting married in five months."

"No, I am going to put it on in the bathroom."

*grumble* "fine. But at least let me take it off." Tanner smirked, taking Diana's costume off was his favorite part of halloween.

"Ok, ready. Just remember. It's me." The ancient corpse of a long dead witch stepped out of the bathroom. She ground and snapped bleached jaws, then her eyes lit up bright purple.

"OH MY FREAKING GOD! WHAT IS THAT!"

She screeched, snapped, and ground teeth at him.

"Of course that's an AWESOME costume! Uh, how did I know what you said? Wow! It's so realistic. Ok, I gotta look under the mask" Tanner pulled and tugged on her clumpy matted gray hair.

Hexen-Diana screeched extra loud at him.

"Ok, how do you get this off?" He pulled on her ear and reached behind her head. "It's got to be here somewhere."

Now the ancient corpse ground her teeth angrily and grabbed him by the arm.

He stopped "Sorry honey, no, I didn't mean to. It must be stuck."

"Wow, this is incredibly realistic. Ok, baby, how about I help you out of this." And he reached up under her shirt. "Uhhhh. Honey?"

Her eyes flashed bright purple again and she clicked softly at him.

"Ok, Diana, this is probably going to freak you out a bit, but I really like your costume. Wow! Mmmmm mmm!"

She scraped her bony curled hands with thick black jagged nails across the flesh of his scalp, screeched softly, and ground her teeth.

"Mmmmm wow that feels so good. Talk dirty to me. Daddy likey! Ok, wait, how did I know what you just said again? That's really weird."

She softly screeched and clicked again.

"Mmmmmm! Exactly. I know! Right? This is one epic costume!"

Now the ancient desiccated corpse leaned in for a kiss. "Wow! Mmmm! That's really nice. Mmmm. Ok, why do I like this so much? That costume is so real, but it doesn't taste like a mask. It's like.. um.. you."

He looked up into her hollow eye sockets at the shriveled raisins rattling around loosely in them. "Wow! You are so beautiful!"

She screeched and ground her jaws around in a circular pattern then snapped her jaws together again.

He smiled "No! I am not just saying that."

She lightly scraped her bony fingers across his scalp, gently grated on the skin of his face with her jagged nails, snapped her bleached jaws, and ground her teeth softly in his ear.

He smiled a giant smile ear to ear "Oh yeah, Definitely be my bad little witch! Come on!" Tanner picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

She screeched and ground in his ear while scratching her bony broken teeth on his neck as he carried her off.


	8. Wesen Halloween Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana takes her fiancee to his first Wesen Halloween party

Halloween hijinks and horrors

Chapter 7

Diana's Witch Costume

Set approximately 25 years after the finale.

Family/Humor/supernatural

Characters: Diana, Tanner Howe (OC)

Originally part of Diana Shenanigans. Cleaned up for Halloween

1.2k words 10/30/20 r1

...

Diana could not contain her excitement about parading her fiancee Tanner at their first Wesen Halloween party in a couple days. Tanner was half Zauberbiest/half Grimm, but he didn't know that because he inherited all recessive genes. Of course Diana did know all that. He didn't wogue or have any powers, except he saw both Wesen and Grimms.

Sandy brown haired, blue eyed, 5'10" tall, 210lb and paunchy, partially balding Tanner was one of _those_ Howes, the Howe family of Salem Witch Trial fame. He always explained that "the witch thing" was an unfortunate legend ginned up by an overzealous media which incessantly entangled his family. That wasn't exactly true, The Howe Family was one of the oldest and most prominent Hexenbiest/Zauberbiest families on the East Coast. His father's "branch" was cast off off the tree when he failed to inherit any Zauberbiest powers, but Tanner didn't know any of that either.

Nobody really understood what Diana saw in Tanner. Sure, he was obviously a good catch, a normal, regular guy, who would make a fine husband and father. He made a good living, was a decent, friendly, and caring guy. He drove a beige sedan, owned a modest house in a good neighborhood, and had a fully funded 401k. Tanner happily plied his trade - as an assistant controller in a manufacturing plant that made industrial adhesives. He was a glue factory accountant, with a body honed by endless hours behind a desk, drinking gallons of coffee, and staring at tables of numbers on a computer screen. Tanner was just so normal, and Diana's family was anything but.

Her family was weird, even by Wesen standards. The confluence of the impossible and the improbable met, mingled within the walls of their house, and bore children. Dad was a Grimm, Mom was a witch, Grandma was an assassin, all her siblings loved head chopping. They hunted with their Wesen friends, and Diana was, well, Diana. Everyone was shocked that she was bringing regular, normal, unassuming, good catch, fiancee Tanner Howe into the middle of _that_.

She decided it was time to bring Tanner to the Annual Burkhardt Halloween Party. This was going to be a "Real" Wesen Halloween party - aka come wogued! Tanner didn't know that either, and had never been to a real Wesen Halloween party. He just thought it was a "Normal" Halloween party where you dress up.

"Honey, what are you dressing up as?" Tanner looked up at Diana from the college basketball game on TV. He lounged in the recesses of his soft, brown, recliner.

"A witch!" She smiled at him, walking by, with a ceramic Halloween pumpkin in her hands.

"A witch? Seriously? That's so overdone. You should go as Princess Lea! I want to go as Han Solo!"

"Not gonna happen. I already picked out my costume."

Tanner rolled his eyes. He really hoped for something more original. "But all the girls always go as witches. How about Lara Croft Tomb Raider?"

"I am going as a scary witch."

Scary witches weren't really his thing. He wasn't exactly a horror movie sort of guy. "Can't you go as a sexy witch instead? I can go as a ghost."

"If you go as a ghost, you have to stay here. How about you go as an accountant. That will freak everybody out." Diana chuckled under her breath. He had no idea that a "Going as a Ghost" really meant astral projection to her.

"Boo! I just offshored all your jobs and now you work at WalMart! Yep. Super Scary hon! Ok, show me your witch costume."

"You should go as an Operations Manager then!" She chuckled because this was Wesen halloween party. This was most Wesen's one and only chance to fang out and "be yourself."

"I can wear a fake beard and a red tie. Arrrrgh! Get back to work! I already cut out overtime! You punched in late the 3rd time this month! You're fired!... Yeah, maybe not. Ok, now I gotta see this witch costume!"

"It's pretty scary. You probably aren't ready."

Tanner put on his best hero face. "What? Oh, come on! It won't scare me!"

"Ok, fine, just let me go in the bathroom and change."

"Sheesh! It's not like I haven't seen you. We are getting married in five months."

"No, I am going to put it on in the bathroom."

*grumble* "fine. But at least let me take it off." Tanner smirked, taking Diana's costume off was his favorite part of halloween.

"Ok, ready. Just remember. It's me." The ancient corpse of a long dead witch stepped out of the bathroom. She ground and snapped bleached jaws, then her eyes lit up bright purple.

"OH MY FREAKING GOD! WHAT IS THAT!"

She screeched, snapped, and ground teeth at him.

"Of course that's an AWESOME costume! Uh, how did I know what you said? Wow! It's so realistic. Ok, I gotta look under the mask" Tanner pulled and tugged on her clumpy matted gray hair.

Hexen-Diana screeched extra loud at him.

"Ok, how do you get this off?" He pulled on her ear and reached behind her head. "It's got to be here somewhere."

Now the ancient corpse ground her teeth angrily and grabbed him by the arm.

He stopped "Sorry honey, no, I didn't mean to. It must be stuck."

"Wow, this is incredibly realistic. Ok, baby, how about I help you out of this." And he reached up under her shirt. "Uhhhh. Honey?"

Her eyes flashed bright purple again and she clicked softly at him.

"Ok, Diana, this is probably going to freak you out a bit, but I really like your costume. Wow! Mmmmm mmm!"

She scraped her bony curled hands with thick black jagged nails across the flesh of his scalp, screeched softly, and ground her teeth.

"Mmmmm wow that feels so good. Talk dirty to me. Daddy likey! Ok, wait, how did I know what you just said again? That's really weird."

She softly screeched and clicked again.

"Mmmmmm! Exactly. I know! Right? This is one epic costume!"

Now the ancient desiccated corpse leaned in for a kiss. "Wow! Mmmm! That's really nice. Mmmm. Ok, why do I like this so much? That costume is so real, but it doesn't taste like a mask. It's like.. um.. you."

He looked up into her hollow eye sockets at the shriveled raisins rattling around loosely in them. "Wow! You are so beautiful!"

She screeched and ground her jaws around in a circular pattern then snapped her jaws together again.

He smiled "No! I am not just saying that."

She lightly scraped her bony fingers across his scalp, gently grated on the skin of his face with her jagged nails, snapped her bleached jaws, and ground her teeth softly in his ear.

He smiled a giant smile ear to ear "Oh yeah, Definitely be my bad little witch! Come on!" Tanner picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.

She screeched and ground in his ear while scratching her bony broken teeth on his neck as he carried her off.


	9. Catherine's ex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OC Catherine Burkhardt breaks up with her ex, Hexenbiest style.

Halloween Hijinks and Horrors

Chapter 9

The Ex-boyfriend

Originally from Catherine Burkhardt. Cleaned up a bit for Halloween

1.5k words 10/30/20 r1

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Catherine Burkhardt, Nick and Adalind's 2nd child together, had no desire to ever settle down. Medical school kept her way too busy and she loved playing the field. She paid her way through school stripping at high end strip clubs.

Like her namesake Hexenbiest grandmother, she cultivated a nasty habit of becoming infatuated with bad men who liked strippers and then murdering them, like her latest Ex-boyfriend, Jimmy, the Lawyer.

"Pffffftttt! Medical School my butt! You're a stripper and that's all you'll ever be!" the fourty five year old lawyer yelled. He was furious with his 25 year old girlfriend. Catherine just asked him for money again. "What do you think I am? A bank? I have to work for my money! Money money money! I swear it's always the same thing with you strippers!" The red-faced lawyer angrily yelled.

He believed he owned her. The beautiful young witch refused to give herself away - she was just a pretty girl to him and she wanted it to stay that way until she was ready. So she sensed his emotions - she read his mind, then affected her emotions.

"I'm sorry Jimmy" she sobbed and touched his hand "You know my books are expensive. I have all my labs coming up and I need to pay for them." She cried because he wanted to see her cry. She knew he craved the feeling of power over her.

"I'm so sorry Jimmy. School is just so expensive. I just need another $10,000 to cover my classes this fall." She sobbed. She touched his face and focused her powers, witching him.

His stern face softened and his brown eyes slightly glazed over. She owned him and he would pay dearly. He apologized profusely. "I am sorry I yelled at you Catherine. You know I love you. It's just that I have to work all these extra hours to cover your school. I picked up four more cases this week." He scowled at himself and pulled out his wallet "Here, take this for now. You know I'll have the rest Friday." He handed her $3,000 cash.

She pushed it back at him, looked down, and let a single tear drip onto the floor. "I guess I'll just go back to stripping."

"No! Really, take it. I won't have my girl stripping." He looked at the tiny black haired woman with red eyes and a sad expression sitting there in front of him as she sobbed heavy tears onto the floor. He put the money into her hands.

She sobbed again, "No, you don't have to, I'll get loans."

"Loans? Really? Medical school costs a fortune."

He didn't know why he couldn't help himself, but he couldn't. He bought her dinner at a nice restaurant and drove straight back to his law office to work past 2:00AM again tonight.

At 1:30AM, the fourty five year old lawyer looked over his online bank accounts and yelled at himself, furiously. "Jimmy, what's wrong with you? You've given her between $10,000 and $20,000 per week for six months now! She's good, but she's not fifteen-large a week good! You're just going to have to the stripper in her place! Put your foot down or break it off!"

The next day she repeated her performance. He yelled, and she cried. He pulled out his wallet and emptied it again into her hands, then headed back to the law office to work till 3:00AM. This week cost him $21,000.

The next week his partner yelled at him "Ok, then where's all the money gone? I'll tell you where it's gone! I couldn't take a vacation with my wife and kids because of your little stripper, that's where! I'm done with you and your hookers! Halloween is next Saturday. Come the first of the year - I'm out! That'll give you two months to find a new partner!"

The following Monday, the Lausenschlanger lawyer fanged out at her over her continued demands. He showed her the large, hooked, fangs and scaly skin of his Wesen snake-monster form. She put on her very best show for him. She jumped back in terror and started crying. "No, Jimmy, you know I love you! Don't hurt me!" She was a champion at this, and he didn't sense the iron resolve. Nobody fanged out at the half Grimm, Hexenbiest like that.

She slinked into his law office at 11:00PM Thursday. She slithered up to him in a very tight, revealing, lacy, black dress, a large black witch hat, and four inch black stiletto high heels. It never occurred to him to ask how she got in - he locked the door hours ago. Grandmother Grimm taught her the finer points of slipping even the best locks years ago.

She twirled around him with a smile. "Do you like my costume? What are you wearing to the party?"

"Oh, come on, a Halloween Party? That's kid stuff." He tried to ignore her, to focus on work.

She pouted her face and crooned "You're coming with me right? All my girlfriends from the club will be there."

He grumbled under his breath, thinking about all of his adult responsibilities, like making money to pay for her. "Look, hon, I don't have time right now. I really need to get these cases ready for trial tomorrow."

"Oh, come on, this will be fun!" She flopped the big black hat on his head and smirked playfully. She twirled around behind him, seductively recited a few words in Latin, then gently rubbed his head through the top of the hat.

"Look, I really don't have time for this tonight!" He scowled. He reached up towards the hat when she twirled around into his lap. She took his hands away from the hat, crossed them around her neck, and smiled a big smile. She leaned back on him and held up her cellphone to snap a selfie "I promise, my friends and I will make it worthwhile. Smile!"

He scowled as her cellphone camera clicked a photo.

She looked at the pic and playfully wrinkled her nose "Come on sweetie! I can't put that on my page."

"Really? How am I supposed to have any fun when you cost me so much money? My partner just told me he's leaving at the new year because of you."

He noticed the hat tightened. He looked at the clock, frustrated. _Eleven-thirty!_ It was time to quit fooling around, so he went to pull it off. She gently moved his hands away again. She seductively twirled around his back again while he tried to pull off the hat again, then she twirled back into his lap.

Panic crossed his face as he stared into the empty, hollow eyes of, a petite ancient Hexenbiest witch corpse. The semi-mummified skeleton, wearing a teeny lacy black dress, swished into his lap, and ground her bony jaws at him. Her lifeless shrivelled eyes peered down into the deepest reaches of his consciousness out of their hollow sockets, and her thick black jagged nails clawed into his neck.

He tried to recoil in terror, but found himself locked in her iron grasp. "Going somewhere?" The ancient witch asked "I can't believe you don't want to go with me," as she ground her bony jaws.

A trickle of blood ran down his forehead as she ran a hard, dried, curled leathery hand across his lips. He struggled against her as powerfully as he could. He tried to push her off, but he couldn't break her iron grip until the ancient witch finally twirled back off his lap and stood him up out of the chair. Steam rose off of his custom tailored white shirt, and another trickle of blood ran down his face into his collar.

He wanted to grab at things, fight, and run, but her hard leathery hand paralyzed him. "Don't strain too hard, you'll make a mess" the tiny witch teased. "Big man making a girl cry! Are you going to fang out on me now? Come on, show me the big snake again Jimmy!" And she dragged hard black jagged nails across his lips.

The witch smirked at him as his body stiffened up into a brown leathery corpse "I know it sounds cliched but it's not you, it's me. This just isn't going to work. I think it's time for me to see other people." Brown powder started drifting off the lawyer's statue until finally the hat was sitting on a small tannish pile of dust.

The witch transformed back into the petite beautiful woman in the skimpy black dress. She picked up the hat, smiled, put it back on her head, and strutted back out of the law office.


End file.
